


Cas Calling

by Cerdic519



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bars and Pubs, Cell Phones, Destiel - Freeform, Gay Sex, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Motels, Panty Kink, Prank Wars, Sam Has a Fear of Clowns, Vengeful Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerdic519/pseuds/Cerdic519
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>List of stupid things that should never be done, especially by someone as allegedly smart as Sam Winchester. Number 1, mess with a certain angel.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean wandered into the kitchen to find his moose of a brother making some salad concoction again. Seriously, how were they related?

“Did you mess with Cas' Netflix?” Dean asks sharply.

The smirk beneath the L'Oreal hair is all the confirmation that he needs. He sighs.

“You do know he is gonna get you back for that”, he says. “He wants to watch that stupid documentary on bees again, but it keeps coming up with Mister Ed.”

“He can always take it out on you”, Sam says pointedly. “Hey, judging from the noises coming from your room last night.....”

“How'd you hear that, Sammy?” Dean demands at once. Ever since him and Cas had become... well, him and Cas, Sam had moved to the furthest possible end of the Bunker to be away from 'all that disgusting man-love'. 

“I made the mistake of wanting a midnight snack”, his over-tall brother grouses. “Never again. I'd go without rather than having to hear those noises. Cas promised my ears should not be subject to you two going at it, and he went back on his word.”

“He'll get you back”, Dean warns. “And I'm not protecting you when he does.”

“Yeah, what's he gonna do?” Sam grins.

His phone pings at that moment. Puzzled, he looks down at the text message he has just received.

“It's from Cas”, he says, clearly confused. “He says that I will find out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....”

And Dean's phone starts ringing. Except rather than the usual ring-tone, the room is suddenly filled with a stereophonic rendition of Dean Winchester having an exceedingly loud and audibly satisfying orgasm, ending in a scream which runs through way too many octaves. His brother goes pale.

“The bastard!”

“Hardly”, Cas says, appearing right behind Sam and making him jump violently. “And Sam? Every time I call your brother, you will get to hear that. In fact, I think I need to text him something right now......”

He pulls out his phone, but he and Dean are alone in the kitchen. Moments later, the sound of running feet ends in the slam of the main door. Cas looks meaningfully at the hunter, who gulps.

“The recording is rather good”, the angel growls, “but I think you can do better, Dean. Our room, if you please. Move!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

+~+~+

Fifteen minutes later, Sam is driving away from the Bunker, figuring a night at a local motel is a price worth paying for not hearing his brother so enjoying getting deflowered. Unfortunately, he has slightly underestimated the vengeful angel's reach, as he finds out when he turns on his iPod......


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felt inspired to add a second chapter.

At first Sam thinks that this is just another stage of angelic revenge, having those noises on the phone when he calls his brother. Then he realizes that Dean has actually picked up.....

He throws the phone across the room as if it has burned him and heads for the nearest bar, thankfully across the road from the motel. He walks round the back of a red car stopped at a light, and is almost on the pavement when the car window winds down.

“CasCasCasohfuckCasohmygodholyshit!”

Sam is already fleeing towards the bar door. He needs beer. Or whiskey. Yeah, get drunk quicker and get those horrible sounds out of his brain, then have a night of lovely oblivion, and hopefully tomorrow Dean would have talked the angel out of any further action against his beloved little brother.

(Sam has always been this optimistic).

The barman slides him over his first shot, and Sam is about to take it when he catches sight of the game on the huge widescreen TV. Except before the glass can reach his lips, the green sward is replaced with an image that will haunt Sam to the end of his days. No brother should ever see his brother's butt whilst he is......

“Caaaaaaaaasssssss!”

Sam looks around in bewilderment. Dammit, no-one else is seeing or hearing this torture. That is just unfair! He stared fixedly at the cheap bar top and downs his first shot in one go, relishing the burn.

An attractive brunette walks past him to the old-time jukebox, and puts in a couple of dollar bills for some music. Sam is about to make a move on her when the music starts. But of course it is not music. How can someone as manly as Dean Winchester reach those high notes?

“Ah...ah...ah...ah...ah....aaaarrgghhhhhh!”

Sam flees the bar. 

+~+~+

A Winchester is always wary, but Sam checks his room for any other unpleasant little surprises before getting into the uncomfortable bed. He pointedly does not turn the TV on, and is grateful when, as usual, he is able to drop off to sleep almost at once, an ability his brother had always been jealous of.

An hour into his much-needed rest, the TV comes on. Waking to the sound of your big brother being thoroughly pleasured by an angel? Not cool!

Two hours in, the same thing happens again.

Three hours in, Sam is not even asleep. He just sits there with his eyes wide open and thinks, fuck my life.

The good news is that there are no more interruptions, and Sam is actually able to get a few hours sleep. The bad news is that that bastard of an angel, who is so going down for all this, didn't overlook the alarm clock......


	3. Chapter 3

Dean stares at his brother in shock.

“Really?” he asks. “We've seen off Lucifer, Death, Famine, the Mark of Cain, the Darkness and Chuck alone knows what else, and you want to end it that way?”

“What?” Sam manages, spluttering crumbs all over the table. Dean winces.

“You know how Cas is about those damn strawberry pop-tarts”, he says, sitting down opposite his brother. “And I know he left a post-it on the box saying they were for him only. You really think.....”

Whatever Sam really thinks will never be known, because Cas explodes into the room at that precise moment, his huge black wings looking very ruffled. Dean considers moving to protect his brother, but his own self-preservation advises him (correctly) that such a move would be unwise. If not terminal.

“Wing-mites!” Cas snarls, glaring at Sam. “I am going to have to take this vessel to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean to get rid of them! Right!”

He vanishes, leaving a couple of black feathers floating to the floor. Dean sighs.

“Guess I'm about to find out what being an orphan is like, eh?”

Sam Winchester is not worried. Though he does consider putting the one uneaten pop-tart back into the box. Unfortunately for him he decides not to.

+~+~+

The following morning Dean is cooking up a breakfast storm, which is impressive as standing is a bit painful just now. As is moving; Cas had returned from cleaning himself yesterday and, impossibly, the horny angel had become even hornier. Dean had had orgasm after orgasm pulled out of him, until he had actually cried out just to be cudd..... held in a manly-like manner. Cas, bless him, had done just that.

The angel is sat at the table eyeing Dean in much the same way that a starving dog might look at a juicy steak. He has already run his grace over Dean's body once, nearly making the hunter come right there at the stove. And he is doing that low-level growling possessive thing that drives Dean nuts. God, since when did he get so lucky?

There is a sudden scream from some distance away, followed by the sound of approaching heavy footsteps. Then Sam bursts into the kitchen – and Dean collapses with laughter. His brother's glorious L'Oreal tresses are pink. Bubblegum bright pink! And the look on his face is hilarious!

“Told you not to mess with the angel”, Dean says unsympathetically, plating up eggs for both of them, and noting how Sam sits as far away from Cas as physically possible. Sam scowls at him.

“This place is a mess!” he grouches, reaching for the sauce. “You haven't even cleaned up, Dean.”

“Huh?”

“Mayo on the table?” Sam says, pointing to a smear of yellow.

“That is not mayo, Sam”, Cas smirks.

Oh but this is going to be so good, Dean thinks, watching as his smart brother puts two and two together.... and flees the table, yelping in horror.

“Bad angel!” Dean scolds.

“Not until after breakfast, Dean”, Cas promises.


	4. Chapter 4

Let it be said that, in many ways, Dean Winchester admires his brother in many ways. And because he has spent a large part of his life keeping Sam from harm, he feels that a few words of timely advice might be called for. That and the fact Sam's latest wheeze was to summon Cas into a ring of fire mid-coitus; having that huge cock inside him suddenly disappearing had been a freakish experience for the hunter.

“So, you made a will yet?” 

“Sex in the kitchen”, Sam mutters mulishly. “Disgusting.”

“Cas is gonna kill you”, Dean says cheerfully. “Or worse. Any last requests? I could go and buy you some extra hair products for a last L'Oreal rinse?”

Sam scowls at him. He knows that because the angel loves his brother, he would never truly hurt the younger Winchester. He is sure of that.

Well, fairly sure.

+~+~+

The first sign of trouble is when his bedroom door suddenly locks behind him. This is suspicious, though Sam's attention is rather more diverted by the fact that his comfortable, quality bedding has been replaced by a child's pattern that includes clowns. The same design as that with which a certain black-feathered someone has re-papered the whole room. 

Sam starts to sweat. He crosses the room in three long strides to the emergency exit into the next room, and reaches for the handle to open the door.

Someone (Cas) has unscrewed the handle. And stuck over the hole where it once was is a tiny clown sticker. Sam starts to shake, but he is prepared. He ignores the horror around him and reaches blindly for his book of spells and summonings. A few swift words, a ring of holy fire, and he can summon that feathery-assed bastard here and make him undo all of this.

Some time later, it will occur to Sam Winchester that someone who has lived as long as Cas might just have foreseen this particular move. Because when he utters the final word, the flaming circle remains stubbornly empty. Sam stares at it in confusion.

The sound of a trumpet blaring out what has to be barely an inch from his ear makes him jump so high he almost hits the ceiling, and he falls untidily into the circle. Recovering, he looks up to see Cas. Dressed as a clown, and holding one of those curved hooters that belong in circuses and Sam's nightmares. 

“Surprise!” the angel grins. 

Sam scowls at him and stands up, only to reach a horrible realization. Cas has used his collapse to reseal the broken circle of fire, and Sam is trapped. 

“Come on!”, the younger Winchester pleads. “You can't make me stay here all night.”

The angel nods in understanding.

“You are quite right.”

Sam, fatally, does not notice the slight smile.

+~+~+

“So where did you send him?” Dean asks.

“There is a school that trains people to become clowns, based in Kansas City”, Cas says mildly. “I included a ticket home by coach for the day after tomorrow.”

“Why then?”

“Because he will have the unbridled joy of watching clowns in the interim”, Cas grinned. “He is invisible and inaudible to everyone until the wards switch off at eight the day after tomorrow, when he can go to the coach station. I hope this time he has learned his lesson. In the meantime... let us avail ourselves of his absence.”

And that, Dean thought an hour later with what remained of his brain functions, was why Cas had insisted on buying a sturdy table!


	5. Chapter 5

Sam approaches the Bunker carefully, making sure to hold the huge white flag in front of him. He is taking no chances. The coach ride back had been terrible; everyone including the driver had seemed to be wearing a clown costume. His nerves can no longer stand the wrath of an angry angel.

Everything seems normal, except that the Impala is parked outside rather than in the garage. Perhaps Dean was planning to give his Baby a clean or do some maintenance on her....

That is the precise moment when the normally observant Sam Winchester makes two belated observations. First, the car is moving up and down very slightly. And second, the windows are steamed up.

He flees to the (relative) safety of the Bunker.

+~+~+

Dean grins as his angel munches contentedly on yet another strawberry pop-tart. Sam had wisely brought a crap-ton of them as a peace offering, along with half the tea in China by the looks of things. The hunter thinks that that smug look actually suits the little scruff.

“Though I'd like to be biting down on something else right now”, Cas mutters with his mouth full. The last Dean saw of his brother was a trembling Goliath entering a 'de-clowned' bedroom.

And Dean gets hard in seconds, Dammit!

“You're bloody insatiable!” he chuckles. “I've unleashed a sex-fiend!”

Cas finishes his pop-tart and drinks his tea, smiling contentedly. Then he stands up and literally sashays his way to the door, before turning back to the hunter.

“You remember those lacy pink panties you keep in your top drawer?” he says calmly.

Dean is surprised he is still standing at that point, since most of his blood is rushing to his face.

“Yeah?” he says in a tone at least an octave too high. 

“I'm wearing them now”, the angel grins. “See you in your room in five, Dean.”

Fuck five, Dean nearly beats him there!

+~+~+

Two days later, when it is Sam's turn to do the washing, he finds something that makes his wish he was an only child even more than usual.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's important to not ask the right question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. George's Day Mega-Update

It was one of Cas' few failings that he was not the most patient of beings. And, as a certain hunter had been discovering of late, he could do fake innocence like no-one else.

Then again, it was Sam's fault for asking such a bloody stupid question.

“I went to get that silver set out of the weapons room for our vamp hunt”, the moose said, “and the handcuffs were missing. Any idea where they are? I'm sure I put them back last time.”

“Oh, Cas borrowed them”, Dean said airily. “They're in our bedside cabinet. D'you want me to go and get them?”

Sam stared at him curiously. 

“Why is he keeping them there?” he asked.

“He used his mojo to add a silk lining to them.”

Somewhere at the back of Sam Winchester's impressive brain, alarm bells were ringing. Unfortunately the noise was not reaching the frontal lobes.

“But why would Cas....”

Too late. Sam pulled out the rarely used Bitchface #1.

“I have no brother!”

“Now you know why I didn't answer the phone when you called last week”, Dean grinned.

“What? What are you talking about?”

Dean grinned.

“Cas did say I was a little tied up....”

The sound of his brother's shrieks as he fled the room were most gratifying.


End file.
